I have pretty much been dieting on and off for the past 9 years! Holy crap! It just hit me how long I have embarked on this battle. And let me tell you this has been a battle of hell. The hard part has really been the never ending battle that goes on in my head with Me, Myself and I. In the last six months I have been following a couple of blogs that have really inspired me. I would much rather look to REAL people like these bloggers Bitch Cakes and Ex Hot Girl, rather than the constant in your face celeb.
Recently reading BitchCakes blog has made me think. I can continue to have days where I indulge on a donut, large pepperoni pizza, nachos and on and on. Or I can learn to eat better everyday. Eating a donut here and there or shall I say I dozen donuts here and there and continue to expand. To be honest the problem isn't this ever ending growth that my body has found . The problems lie within me. When I am heavier than I would like to be I have really stopped living. I hardly leave my house anymore, I do not allow for my self to have close relationships with anyone outside of my husband, I am not creative, and thus I want to feed the void that I have created with more FOOD!
So here I find myself today three days into a 42 day weight loss. I am scared to put this out in the world. I am scared because I have failed many many times in the past. I am most scared of fighting that battle in my head again. It really is awful what I can and have done to myself when I "Fail".So I have decided that not only do I need to diet and exercise during these next 42days but I also need to keep up on my blog and share this with whomever reads this.
On that note I wanted to share that I have decided not to share this blog with anyone who is currently in my life including my husband. The reason for this is to be able to open up completely and have no worries of scaring people away. In my past I have been honest with people about my depression and they have left me. When I am feeling good it is super contagious and people want to be around me. Whenever I have openned up about my battle with depression people have straight up disappeared. SO that's the truth and here I am writing to anyone who stumbles upon this blog.
Most importantly I am blogging for me!!!
Goals:
*To post weekly weight progress.
*Track my daily food intake.(food journal)
*Track the Cals Burned and any daily physical activity.
*Add three positive things about myself along with my food journal)
Okee bye for now!
If you do read this please let me know! i would love any feedback!
4 comments:
Hi! I think that's an awesome revelation that you had! And if it takes making your blog private for you to be totally open and honest, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think the more honest you are about what you think and feel and discover along the way, the better you will do and the more progress you will make. Congrats and thanks for the link :)
Hello, I found your blog reading sheryl aka bitch cakes... she gave you a shout out and so I came here to visit. I was really touched by your post today. I found blogging to be therapuetic. It is helping me on my journey. If blogging annonymously helps, then that is great.
I sense the despair in your blog and I've been there. I started exercising because of depression and it's helped a great deal. While my depression was due to menopause---it was real none the less.
We have to be kind to ourselves. We are our worst critics. I'm starting to explore the reason for my unhealthy eating. I'm still figuring it out and reading other's blog helps me in not feeling so alone. I learn about food combos, etc. Anyways, I just wanted to give you a big ol cyber [[hug]]
Take care
Paula
"Hello, I found your blog reading sheryl aka bitch cakes... she gave you a shout out and so I came here to visit."
Ditto that!
I rarely comment on blogs, but you asked so I am.
I agree with what's already been so I don't really have anything to add except that I can relate to some of what you said.
Take care of you! :)
First I want to say Thank You all sooo much for leaving comments! I seriously can't believe that you gave me a "Shout Out" Bitch Cakes, Thank You! I am still new to this blog thing and just discovered that you all left me comments, sorry for the delayed response. lol
You have all made my day! I have been feeling great physically and mentally the past couple of days, however today I weighed myself on the Wii Fit and it says I have gained .09ibs in the last 10 days.I just don't understand because I have been eating right and light plus working out! When I discovered that you all had commented, I was just blown away!!!
Thank you again! I love the comments!
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